There Is No “Right Way” to Be Turned On

Sexuality is often taught in rules, categories, and expectations—but real desire doesn’t live in boxes.

I recently came across a passage in Your Blueprint for Pleasure by Jaiya that stayed with me. It speaks to something many of us feel but rarely hear out loud:

"We cannot put sexuality into a box based on the gender someone was born with, the gender they were assigned at birth, or the gender they identify with now. We are each our own erotic being. No one is the right way. There is no right way for any gender to express arousal and turn-on."

And that really is the truth of it.

We grow up absorbing ideas about what desire is supposed to look like—what is “normal,” what is “too much,” what is “too little,” what is “masculine” or “feminine.” But when you strip all of that away, what’s left is far more personal, far more fluid, and far more human.

Desire is not a fixed formula. It is an experience.

For some, it’s slow and emotional. For others, it’s immediate and physical. For many, it shifts depending on context, connection, stress, confidence, or even the simple feeling of being seen. And none of those expressions are wrong—they are simply different ways the body and mind respond to pleasure.

What makes this understanding so powerful is the permission it gives us: to stop comparing, stop categorizing, and start noticing.

Noticing what actually feels good. Noticing what creates presence. Noticing what turns you on, without needing it to look like anyone else’s experience.

When we remove the pressure to fit into a “type” of sexuality, we make space for something more honest—curiosity.

And curiosity is where intimacy deepens. It’s where shame loosens. It’s where connection becomes more real.

At Anastasia’s Bedroom, we believe pleasure isn’t something to be defined—it’s something to be explored. Whether that’s through lingerie that makes you feel confident in your skin, or simply giving yourself permission to understand your own desires without judgment.

There is no right way to be erotic. There is only your way.

And that is more than enough.